Self-Handicapping
Classes start next Monday and so I was intrigued by Benedict Carey’s Mind column in today’s Science Times. We’ve all encountered the classic “dog ate my homework” serial excuse maker. But the self-sabotagers are more interesting.
This is one reason that genuine excuse artisans — and there are millions of them — don’t wait until after choking to practice their craft. They hobble themselves, in earnest, before pursuing a goal or delivering a performance. Their excuses come preattached: I never went to class. I was hung over at the interview. I had no idea what the college application required….
As a short-term strategy, self-handicapping is often no more than an exercise in self-delusion. Studies of college students have found that habitual handicappers — who skip a lot of classes; who miss deadlines; who don’t buy the textbook — tend to rate themselves in the top 10 percent of the class, though their grades slouch between C and D.
This certainly is my experience. Of course having a pre-packaged excuse is sometimes easier on the ego than admitting you tried hard and failed.
I wonder if this is related to the B&D type relationships degrading to the S&M types. Self-sabotaging is a kind of masochism which also involves a self-made and hidden sadistic side. This “cushioning of the blow” tactic is a step down in the self esteem to find a better inner accommodation in the self-relationship. When there are two people involved, each side takes a clearly defined role and there is no reason to hide the sadist, while the relationship takes a step down in synchronism.
I wonder if this is related to the B&D type relationships degrading to the S&M types. Self-sabotaging is a kind of masochism which also involves a self-made and hidden sadistic side. This “cushioning of the blow” tactic is a step down in the self esteem to find a better inner accommodation in the self-relationship. When there are two people involved, each side takes a clearly defined role and there is no reason to hide the sadist, while the relationship takes a step down in synchronism.
It’s all just too hard for most people. It’s still the law of the jungle no matter how much we try to sweeten the fact that nature is cruel and most people are just plain afraid of success…..it’s just too hard.
It’s all just too hard for most people. It’s still the law of the jungle no matter how much we try to sweeten the fact that nature is cruel and most people are just plain afraid of success…..it’s just too hard.
“most people are just plain afraid of success…..it’s just too hard.”
Nope. It is not too hard to understand this if self interest is removed. There was a similar problem with the “How low can you go?” post.
Lets face it. Schools are straight jackets. They are mass production sites. Most people go through them because of economical concerns. While they can make some people free, they oppress and brain wash most. It can take a life time to recover from education. Unfortunately they are still a better choice given the alternatives. Have a listen to Ken Robinson at TED.
I admire and respect Mr. Taplin in many ways, but I can not help noticing the arrogance of the academia culture he represents in this post.
While the academia may like to call it “self-handicapping”, this is clearly a case masochism. For every masochist there is an inner and an outer sadist. The inner sadist is the agent of the outer one and the masochist has to hide it from himself. This happens because the relationship turns sour for incompatibility reasons. But since the rules of the academia can not change, and the long term commitment has already been done, the student is forced to bend. A bit like getting under a long term loan. To blame only the students is too easy and is a cop out.
I will respect the academia’s opinions about students only when they study because they like to do it out of their pure free will.
Similarly it is easy to blame the degradation of culture. What is happening is in fact, people are falling from the enforced B&D relationship with culture to an S&M one. It is a desperate plea for help when a person “self-handicaps” publicly. But since it is too easy to blame the person, we choose to do that.
Where is compassion?
“most people are just plain afraid of success…..it’s just too hard.”
Nope. It is not too hard to understand this if self interest is removed. There was a similar problem with the “How low can you go?” post.
Lets face it. Schools are straight jackets. They are mass production sites. Most people go through them because of economical concerns. While they can make some people free, they oppress and brain wash most. It can take a life time to recover from education. Unfortunately they are still a better choice given the alternatives. Have a listen to Ken Robinson at TED.
I admire and respect Mr. Taplin in many ways, but I can not help noticing the arrogance of the academia culture he represents in this post.
While the academia may like to call it “self-handicapping”, this is clearly a case masochism. For every masochist there is an inner and an outer sadist. The inner sadist is the agent of the outer one and the masochist has to hide it from himself. This happens because the relationship turns sour for incompatibility reasons. But since the rules of the academia can not change, and the long term commitment has already been done, the student is forced to bend. A bit like getting under a long term loan. To blame only the students is too easy and is a cop out.
I will respect the academia’s opinions about students only when they study because they like to do it out of their pure free will.
Similarly it is easy to blame the degradation of culture. What is happening is in fact, people are falling from the enforced B&D relationship with culture to an S&M one. It is a desperate plea for help when a person “self-handicaps” publicly. But since it is too easy to blame the person, we choose to do that.
Where is compassion?
I was a self-handicapper at uni.
We’d drink and smoke and party all week.
We’d only come to classes that started after 12:00.
And we’d sit in the last row, copying whatever was on the board without listening.
We’d perfected the 4-day cram to an art form – with the bong never leaving the table.
Obviously my grades were around the C or D mark (with an occasional A or B every other semester).
During my last semester I was taking a class that none of my friends took with me.
Having never been to that class I didn’t even know whose notebook to photocopy.
So I got up early one day to see who was taking the class with me. One of our class’s geniuses was taking the same course.
She was an A student. Always sitting in the front row. Taking vigorous notes and actively participating in class. Her 2nd- and 3rd-hand photocopied notebooks were coveted by all us back-rowers.
So I shambled over to her house one day to borrow her notes at exam time.
We’d never spoken before (front row/back row ppl almost never mixed) and it was then that I found out the horribly ironic truth:
To her and her mates, WE were the geniuses – the back row people. The ones who’d smoke pot all day and never show up to class, yet kept trudging through year in and year out.
She and her A-friends were sure we’d be kicked out of Uni by the end of the first year. We were a nuisance that would disappear by the start of the second year.
And yet there we were – year in and year out, trudging along between parties and weed and papers and exams.
She was just as surprised to learn that we were referring to HER a genius, as she attributed her success to hard work.
On a side note – on actual papers handed in (not exams), that I did myself, I’d usually land an A or a B.
I only got C’s when I were cheating off of somebody else’s paper.
Was I in the top 10 percentile of my class? No.
I was in the bottom 10 percentile of my class.
Was I a better a student? That depends.
In the classical sense – absolutely not.
But I taught my self how to learn – independently. Be it from the net, or a stranger’s notes or even coming to a few classes every now and then when there was no other recourse.
It didn’t always work but I learned how much energy I had to invest to get to a certain point.
And always for the task at had – be it an exam coming up in four days, or for some paper that I felt was necessary for me to keep afloat and eventually get my diploma.
Teachers either hated me – for a seeming disrespect – or had that knowing smile when I’d walk in their office.
I was a self-handicapper at uni.
We’d drink and smoke and party all week.
We’d only come to classes that started after 12:00.
And we’d sit in the last row, copying whatever was on the board without listening.
We’d perfected the 4-day cram to an art form – with the bong never leaving the table.
Obviously my grades were around the C or D mark (with an occasional A or B every other semester).
During my last semester I was taking a class that none of my friends took with me.
Having never been to that class I didn’t even know whose notebook to photocopy.
So I got up early one day to see who was taking the class with me. One of our class’s geniuses was taking the same course.
She was an A student. Always sitting in the front row. Taking vigorous notes and actively participating in class. Her 2nd- and 3rd-hand photocopied notebooks were coveted by all us back-rowers.
So I shambled over to her house one day to borrow her notes at exam time.
We’d never spoken before (front row/back row ppl almost never mixed) and it was then that I found out the horribly ironic truth:
To her and her mates, WE were the geniuses – the back row people. The ones who’d smoke pot all day and never show up to class, yet kept trudging through year in and year out.
She and her A-friends were sure we’d be kicked out of Uni by the end of the first year. We were a nuisance that would disappear by the start of the second year.
And yet there we were – year in and year out, trudging along between parties and weed and papers and exams.
She was just as surprised to learn that we were referring to HER a genius, as she attributed her success to hard work.
On a side note – on actual papers handed in (not exams), that I did myself, I’d usually land an A or a B.
I only got C’s when I were cheating off of somebody else’s paper.
Was I in the top 10 percentile of my class? No.
I was in the bottom 10 percentile of my class.
Was I a better a student? That depends.
In the classical sense – absolutely not.
But I taught my self how to learn – independently. Be it from the net, or a stranger’s notes or even coming to a few classes every now and then when there was no other recourse.
It didn’t always work but I learned how much energy I had to invest to get to a certain point.
And always for the task at had – be it an exam coming up in four days, or for some paper that I felt was necessary for me to keep afloat and eventually get my diploma.
Teachers either hated me – for a seeming disrespect – or had that knowing smile when I’d walk in their office.
Teachers were known to cross the street at my approach. Some of them turned around and went the other way. They got new social security numbers. They wore disguises. They pushed back the frontiers of reconstructive plastic surgery. Some sought extradition, and a few even got it.
I’ll find them, though. Don’t you worry about that.
Teachers were known to cross the street at my approach. Some of them turned around and went the other way. They got new social security numbers. They wore disguises. They pushed back the frontiers of reconstructive plastic surgery. Some sought extradition, and a few even got it.
I’ll find them, though. Don’t you worry about that.
It’s funny, but my professors told me they missed the kids from the 60s and 70s because they had no respect, didn’t accept authority and kept pushing back for the pleasure of it. They said it was the hardest work and the most exhilirating time of their careers because those kids made them prove it, reexamine it and learn along with the students. They hated the kids in the 80s who took notes and regurgitated, made high grades on tests and got out of school as fast as they could. My professors wanted the fight. Is that true of professors today or do they want the acceptance of their superior intelligence and wisdom? If so, it’s easy to see how Bush got to be President.
I tell my kids that success has to be measured in their own eyes and that “fortune in other men’s eyes” is largely a trap. Al Capp said it: “Sometimes winning is losing. Sometimes losing is winning.” It’s a long run to the border and they need to understand that trading off freedom of choice of choices for stuff is almost always a bad trade. They have to choose their own success and be responsible for that.
My Dad wanted me to be a computer scientist because we were poor. I wanted to be a songwriter and musician. Taplin tells me I am a second rate musician and in his circles, he is likely right. My staff knows I am a second rate computer scientist and in their circles, they may be right but I am still their boss. My kids say I am a first rate Dad and in their circles, that is all that matters.
One is a lot happier winning or losing on one’s own terms and not wasting a moment regretting the degree of the win or the loss. At the end of the day I am both a VP of a software company and a musician. I am published by MIT and I’ve heard my songs on the radio. I’ve worked with the geniuses of my industry and am respected by some of them. My kids love me and my first wife is still my wife. I have to be at the doctor to check on my cancer at 3:30 and I am still able to sing in the choir.
It’s all good. Don’t let the hindmost take that understanding away from you. It’s ok to be self-handicapped if we still race. It’s good to know where to be in the lineup that suits your running style when life or serendipity opens the hole in front of you.
There is enough life for anyone who cares to breathe.
It’s funny, but my professors told me they missed the kids from the 60s and 70s because they had no respect, didn’t accept authority and kept pushing back for the pleasure of it. They said it was the hardest work and the most exhilirating time of their careers because those kids made them prove it, reexamine it and learn along with the students. They hated the kids in the 80s who took notes and regurgitated, made high grades on tests and got out of school as fast as they could. My professors wanted the fight. Is that true of professors today or do they want the acceptance of their superior intelligence and wisdom? If so, it’s easy to see how Bush got to be President.
I tell my kids that success has to be measured in their own eyes and that “fortune in other men’s eyes” is largely a trap. Al Capp said it: “Sometimes winning is losing. Sometimes losing is winning.” It’s a long run to the border and they need to understand that trading off freedom of choice of choices for stuff is almost always a bad trade. They have to choose their own success and be responsible for that.
My Dad wanted me to be a computer scientist because we were poor. I wanted to be a songwriter and musician. Taplin tells me I am a second rate musician and in his circles, he is likely right. My staff knows I am a second rate computer scientist and in their circles, they may be right but I am still their boss. My kids say I am a first rate Dad and in their circles, that is all that matters.
One is a lot happier winning or losing on one’s own terms and not wasting a moment regretting the degree of the win or the loss. At the end of the day I am both a VP of a software company and a musician. I am published by MIT and I’ve heard my songs on the radio. I’ve worked with the geniuses of my industry and am respected by some of them. My kids love me and my first wife is still my wife. I have to be at the doctor to check on my cancer at 3:30 and I am still able to sing in the choir.
It’s all good. Don’t let the hindmost take that understanding away from you. It’s ok to be self-handicapped if we still race. It’s good to know where to be in the lineup that suits your running style when life or serendipity opens the hole in front of you.
There is enough life for anyone who cares to breathe.