Adjusting to Hard Times
The next year is going to cause a major dislocation in many households and on one level it’s not going to be pretty. Jan Hoffman relates the tale of Wendy Postle, a middle class mom with two entitled teenagers.
This year her husband’s 401(k) savings are evaporating. Medical bills are nipping at the couple’s heels. Gas prices are still taking a toll. Mrs. Postle recently decided that although she and her husband had always sacrificed their own luxuries for Zach, 13, and Kaitlyn, 15, the teenagers would now have to cut back as well.
“No” could no longer be the starting gun of family fights. It would have to be an absolute.
“I tried to tell Kaitlyn, ‘We’ll get the Hollister jeans at a thrift store,’ ” Mrs. Postle recalled. “She got angry and said: ‘That’s gross! Other people wore them!’ ”
Indulged. Entitled. Those labels have become hot-glued to middle-class and affluent teenagers born after the last major economic downturn, in the late 1980s. They were raised in comparatively flush times by parents who believed that keeping children happy, stimulated and successful, no matter the cost, was an unassailable virtue. A 2007 study by the Harrison Group, a market research firm in Waterbury, Conn., found that nearly 75 percent of parents caved in to their children’s nagging for new video games, half within two weeks.
A generation of consuming kids are getting confronted with a word they never heard–”No”. This sense of getting back to the basics will involve a cultural shift. But if life does get simpler, research shows that it also might get healthier.
Economic studies suggest that people tend not to take care of themselves in boom times — drinking too much (especially before driving), dining on fat-laden restaurant meals and skipping exercise and doctors’ appointments because of work-related time commitments.
“The value of time is higher during good economic times,” said Grant Miller, an assistant professor of medicine at Stanford. “So people work more and do less of the things that are good for them, like cooking at home and exercising; and people experience more stress due to the rigors of hard work during booms.”
This is both blindingly obvious, and very profound.
The irony that, in ‘good’ times we value ourselves less demands a fundamental reconsideration as to why, exactly, we thought these times were so ‘good’ in the first place.
For my own part, the past few years, while rewarding in many ways, have not exactly been happy. The idea that consumption of all stripes becomes a form of self-medication leads one to ask what – precisely – was making us feel so sick in the first place?
Now that the tide has gone out, and we can actually see what was beneath the surface, the answer is clear. In the clear light of day, the center has a chance to recover.
I’m sure a lot more people will be taking a firm stand against the monstrous assertion that the ‘standard of living’ is the benchmark against which all ‘progress’ should be measured.
It’s not. The real benchmark is ‘quality of life’. I don’t care how rich your job make you, if it only gives you two weeks of vacation which you’re too scared to use all at once, it’s a shitty job. And if you wife’s job only gives her a few weeks of maternity leave, and makes no accommodation for child care once she’s back at her desk, it’s also shitty job.
And if both of you are sticking with it because that’s they only way you can maintain access to remotely reasonable prices on health care, then it’s more than a shitty job. It’s just a shitty situation.
This is both blindingly obvious, and very profound.
The irony that, in ‘good’ times we value ourselves less demands a fundamental reconsideration as to why, exactly, we thought these times were so ‘good’ in the first place.
For my own part, the past few years, while rewarding in many ways, have not exactly been happy. The idea that consumption of all stripes becomes a form of self-medication leads one to ask what – precisely – was making us feel so sick in the first place?
Now that the tide has gone out, and we can actually see what was beneath the surface, the answer is clear. In the clear light of day, the center has a chance to recover.
I’m sure a lot more people will be taking a firm stand against the monstrous assertion that the ‘standard of living’ is the benchmark against which all ‘progress’ should be measured.
It’s not. The real benchmark is ‘quality of life’. I don’t care how rich your job make you, if it only gives you two weeks of vacation which you’re too scared to use all at once, it’s a shitty job. And if you wife’s job only gives her a few weeks of maternity leave, and makes no accommodation for child care once she’s back at her desk, it’s also shitty job.
And if both of you are sticking with it because that’s they only way you can maintain access to remotely reasonable prices on health care, then it’s more than a shitty job. It’s just a shitty situation.
Coming from this generation of children I think it is a fair critique. Growing up, none of my friends were every told no, nor was I. Our parents wanted to keep us happy so they gave us anything and everything we wanted. I remember shopping with my mom and she told me to buy something off the sale rack at Nordstrom. I told her, “It’s on sale because nobody wants it.” The reason my parents let me get away acting this way is a mystery and so much money was wasted on clothes that say with tags in my closet.
Times are changing and parents need to learn to say no because buying those expensive clothes did nothing to better my life in any way and the same goes for all of my friends. This is what I think the problem is today. Parents wonder why they have no money saved to fall back on in times of need. Well, if they stopped spending money on frivolous things for their children to “make them happy”, they wouldn’t be struggling today. To tell you the truth, buying clothes can’t make you happy, it is only an escape from the world. Parents are teaching children nothing about responsibilities and they wonder why we don’t know the value of a dollar.
Coming from this generation of children I think it is a fair critique. Growing up, none of my friends were every told no, nor was I. Our parents wanted to keep us happy so they gave us anything and everything we wanted. I remember shopping with my mom and she told me to buy something off the sale rack at Nordstrom. I told her, “It’s on sale because nobody wants it.” The reason my parents let me get away acting this way is a mystery and so much money was wasted on clothes that say with tags in my closet.
Times are changing and parents need to learn to say no because buying those expensive clothes did nothing to better my life in any way and the same goes for all of my friends. This is what I think the problem is today. Parents wonder why they have no money saved to fall back on in times of need. Well, if they stopped spending money on frivolous things for their children to “make them happy”, they wouldn’t be struggling today. To tell you the truth, buying clothes can’t make you happy, it is only an escape from the world. Parents are teaching children nothing about responsibilities and they wonder why we don’t know the value of a dollar.
My own background was not one of poverty, but when I was very young, we lived on the boundary between poverty and lower middle class, and my family was never affluent even in later years. Economic hard times lasted a hell of a lot longer in the rural sticks where I grew up than they did in the cities. In fact, economic good times for the rest of the country were never better than economic so-so times for my neck of the woods.
An incident I remember glaringly occurred when I was 14 or 15. The mother of an acquaintance was talking about how she was going to get her kid an entertainment center from a local small-time department store, and it cost $30, and she hoped he’d like it. It was cheap particle board, but shelling out $30 was obviously a stretch for her, and she was obviously feeling anxiety that it wasn’t good enough. She was asking me and another kid to give her affirmation that, yes, of course we’d be pleased to ge this as a gift.
Even being a young and idiotic 14, I felt her anxiety and longings keenly. I’ve never forgotten it.
My own background was not one of poverty, but when I was very young, we lived on the boundary between poverty and lower middle class, and my family was never affluent even in later years. Economic hard times lasted a hell of a lot longer in the rural sticks where I grew up than they did in the cities. In fact, economic good times for the rest of the country were never better than economic so-so times for my neck of the woods.
An incident I remember glaringly occurred when I was 14 or 15. The mother of an acquaintance was talking about how she was going to get her kid an entertainment center from a local small-time department store, and it cost $30, and she hoped he’d like it. It was cheap particle board, but shelling out $30 was obviously a stretch for her, and she was obviously feeling anxiety that it wasn’t good enough. She was asking me and another kid to give her affirmation that, yes, of course we’d be pleased to ge this as a gift.
Even being a young and idiotic 14, I felt her anxiety and longings keenly. I’ve never forgotten it.
Another example would be trying to explain the concept of “layaway” to today’s 16-year-old.
“What do you mean?” I imagine this teen saying. “You just get out your credit card and buy it, and then you take it home. How you can possibly ‘buy’ something and then leave it at the store? How do you only pay for part of it?”
This is a fair judgment of our generation. I grew up where “no” was unheard of. In fact, I never even had to ask for anything because everything was already flowing my way. There was no such thing as my parents giving in because they threw so much material crap at me that now I have to tell them no. It’s a bit of a twist, and it’s sad. Parents of our generation have come to express love through money since it’s a lot easier and less time consuming than spending quality time with their kids.
It’s interesting to see the shift…I have a step-sister with a 7 year-old daughter who is a fantastic gymnast–she competes 5 years above her age bracket. My sister (who is a fantastic single mother) is going through huge financial woes and is depressed that she can’t afford to put her daughter through a highly reputable gymnastics program. The 7 year-old, however, couldn’t care less about what gym she goes to, as long as she gets to play. The idea that even the best parents feel inadequate for not giving their kids the cream of the crop in terms of playtime and toys is a little twisted. Loving your child shouldn’t entail spending massive amounts of money on them.
Hopefully, the economic crisis can and will change parents’ perspectives on the matter.
Economic crisis = bittersweet? I think it will have some effect on this whole “love equals money” attitude. Money destroys people, we have all seen it (well, most of us) time and time again. Now money is picking away at our idea of love. What happened to the original definition of love and what sort of evil force inside of us thought it’d be a good idea to throw money into the mix?!
SOS, Wall Street!
I think the reason instances like this happen, is that kids and teens don’t really understand how money works. If they are accustomed to their parents having money, it might come as a shock to them when certain luxuries they are used to having have to be cut back on. Sometimes it takes someone getting a job of their own to understand the concept of really not being able to afford something.
I agree that times are changing and families are either cutting back on frivolous spending and unnecessary outings or they should be. I remember growing up when gas was not expensive and buying a new pair of jeans would not break the bank; however, I believe that these harder economic times will help to teach the children of this generation how to save money and only buy the essentials.
My wife’s been shopping at the thrift stores for years. We live in a wealthy area and you wouldn’t believe the shit that turns up there. Genuine, like-new, Prada $500 leather handbags selling for $10; great and almost new women’s clothing ($3 skirt, $3 blowse), etc, etc…
The men’s clothing is more difficult to find. I suspect that (like me) most men wear their stuff out before sending it to recycling.
My wife finds all sorts of stuff for our teenage sons that is in near mint condition–pants, shirts, etc. The boys love it when she brings home high-end REI, NorthFace, etc. sport clothing for $3-5.
On an interesting note that corroborates Jon’s story, my wife says the thrift store is getting crowded with lots of other middle class moms.
On another economy/shopping related note, the Whole Foods market (high-end fru-fru grocery store) is notably empty compared to just 6 months ago. On the other hand, our local Trader Joes (high volume, high quality discounting re-packager) is jam packed with folks trying to save $$’s.
Sum mumma bitch! Loving that people are wising up (finally!), but I’ll be damned if I have to compete with even more people for the best of the vintage. For seriously. Don’t fuck with my fashion. Getting hip to the cool stuff? Crap. Crap. Crap. Hopefully they’ll stick with the “labels” and leave the old, old school couture and everything else to me. Damn it, my foresight didn’t anticipate this…..
By the by, I’ll save anywhere and everywhere I have to to buy organic. Farmers markets, locally grown, etc.
Fru-fru food (pesticide, steroid-free) is more than worth the price, though Whole Foods has other some serious issues to contend with. Conscious consuming is the way to proceed forward.
This article and situation as a whole comes as no surprise to me at all. I went to one of THE richest, sheltered private high schools in the San Fernando Valley, and I was shocked every day at how spoiled my classmates were. My family has struggled basically my entire life, so “NO” is something I heard a lot, and something I even learned to say to myself at times. As for some other kids and teens that I know, they truly do not know the value of a dollar, and have lived in a bubble their entire lives. Now that their bubble is on the verge of popping, I feel sad for them, because (unlike myself, who’s used to struggling and “roughing it”) they have no clue how to fend for themselves, and it looks like soon Mommy and Daddy aren’t going to be able to help them either
Two thumbs up for the fru-fru food; but even there we’re trying wherever possible to by local fru-fru. There’s more and more claim-to-be-organic food coming from China and I trust none of it.
After reading these interesting articles, I found myself in peace. It is not that I am born to be more capable in facing the economy down turn, but it is because I experienced both sides of the life: life can be pretty and yet it can be nasty when you are controlled by $$.
After moving the the U.S., I learned the power of materialism. It drives the economy. It’s kind of ironic because American is the ultimate dream of affluent products–you will find anything you want here! Products you need to make you feel good, especially brand names! However, I learned to adjust how to resist to the fast pace consumerism culture rather than consuming for happiness. Luckily, I learned this from my great mentor who taught me the rules of happiness in life: Simple you life=Happiness! Recalled when I was a teen, I forgot how many times I got mad if my parents disagreed to buy things for me. It’s understandable that they get frustrated because of their innocent in $$. I think if family or school can educate more about the both sides of the $$ coin to our kids, it wouldn’t be that bad that our children couldn’t cope with the financial down turn. Sadly in today’s society we are taught to think irrationally rather than rationally. When we spend $$, we think in terms of cool, trendy, brand, celebrity-like, feeling good, and wants rather than economy or needs.
Maybe it would not be a bad idea for schools to set up personal expense class at the early stage for the teenagers. It’s never be too late to discuss what’s the truth of happiness in life other than money.
I think that each household is different in how they raise their children. Some households are rich enough to say “yes” to all the things the children desire, and some other households do not have that benefit. Yes, a lot of teenagers are used to getting what they want, but that is not the case for every teenager. However, I do agree with the article of how teenagers do not really know and understand money and exactly how much the expenses and bills are. I think that if parents taught their children how to take care of finances a little bit, they would understand the importance of money more and how difficult this economic crisis is.
As a teen, my mother had me deposit my first paycheck into my savings account. The subsequent paychecks, I had to save at least half. The only interest my parents ever paid was on their mortgage. Same for my in-laws. We live the same. My children have far fewer toys/nice clothes than their peers but they manage.
One of my mother’s favorite stories is that while at Purdue, she wrote home asking her mother to send another “date dress” because her boyfriend commented he was tired of seeing her in the same dress. My grandmother wrote back “you can change dates, not dresses”. Thankfully, my father valued more important things than clothes.
Just think what will happen when some of these teens have to go to work to support the family and there aren’t any jobs to be found. I had my first paper route when I was 12 and I worked three part-time jobs through high school.
Plus walked 10 miles uphill both ways through the snow.
Sarah Palin’s future son-in-law is dropping out of high school to get a job in the oil fields where he’ll most likely make a lot of money for his age. There’s a great example of how not to do it.
Some households are rich enough to say “yes” to all (or most) and still choose to say “no”. Joe six pack and I grew up in circumstances similar to those Dan describes (way, way up above in the comments). Through a combination of education, hard work, and (probably) luck, we have a resonably comfortable life right now. We could afford to buy our children more stuff, we choose not to. It gets us some whining in the short term, but I hope the long-term results will be worth it (I’m encouraged by the comments of some of the younger readers).
Yo!
Fru-fru doesn’t mean organic (Trader Joe’s has plenty of Organic offerings). Fru-fru means fancy brand packaging and a luscious customer experience that comes at a high cost. It means lots of yuppie wannabes engaging in conspicuous consumption.
And yes, the farmers markets are great for scoring pesticide free veggies at a reasonable price.
I don’t believe hearing a “yes” from parents give great joy. It only brings “happiness” because it avoids family fights. I have a guy friend who would get every new gadget he wants – video games, new phones, etc. When he wanted to DJ, he got a turntable. When he went shopping for a tie for his first time, he ended up getting a $100 tie. I wouldn’t say he’s taking advantage of the love from his parents, he just doesn’t know the value of things – he doesn’t understand the idea of getting similar products with a reduced price (either at sales or cheaper replacements). He got the $100 tie not because it’s “better”, but because he didn’t know what is the “average” cost of ties.
I think much of this, along with the tension brought into the household by “no”, can be greatly reduced through communication. Let the kids know what’s going on with the family, how much we’re earning, how much we’re spending (especially on necessity such as rent and food), future plans (i.e. savings).
The fact that Mrs. Postle (in the article) “felt insulted” when asked by her kids whether the family was poor gives an idea that parents are reluctant to talk to kids about financial situations – and that will just keep things the same.
Rather than teaching kids we can’t afford this, we can’t afford that, it’s more important to teach them values of things, priorities/necessities. I believe that even in good times, kids shouldn’t be going crazy on the spending, just because now they’re “rich again”. It’s always a good idea to save.
Like I never understood my friend, who’d spend at least $2/minute on all his calls back to Hong Kong to his family, while he could have gotten a telephone card for $20/1000 minutes (like me). He explained that he don’t use telephone cards because it’s troublesome, since you have to punch in so many numbers each time you call.
I do agree that life is “happier” when it is simple. At least family life – parents won’t have to be out till late working, kids won’t be running off to movies/clubs/malls, but spending time at home, they wouldn’t be playing on video games, but sitting in the dining room chatting with parents, etc.
But economic meltdown does not equal to life getting more simple. From what I read on the news, and seeing my dad, I think it is more stressful for them now, than before. It is definitely having a negative impact on my dad’s health, as he is worrying about the stock market day and night. My roommate said his dad have just decided to work a few more years (if not more), even though he is 63 and should be retiring. Furthermore, the economic meltdown has already cost a few lives (suicides and homicides).
Stories like these are interesting they let readers take a glimpse at the spending habits of average Americans. I think one of the biggest problems average Americans have–maybe because of the way culture conditions them or because of how they were raised–is not knowing how to evaluate opportunity cost. It’s interesting that many people choose to live in homes that demand huge mortgage payments, when those resources could be pulled to savings and investments for a more comfortable future.
This is a fair critique, growing up in a town where parents gave their daughters breast augmentation as a graduation present or a BMW, it doesn’t surprise me. Overall, this is the sad reality that needed to be addressed. People have been living beyond their means for a very long time and it just now that they have to face the music. It will be a learning experience for both teens and parents and hopefully teens will take more responsibility for the finances.
I think this is a very fair critique of my generation, sad as that is. My generation has grown up with everything given to them instantly and everything they could ever want given to them without question, at least from my experience. It’s almost sad that it is taking a huge fall in the economy for my generation to realize that everything in life won’t be handed to us to easy and that eventually we are going to have to work for things we want.
The future is “then”. The McMansion is “now”. If you believe the lies that that future is always better, that your house will always appreciate at more than the general inflation rate, and that you’ll be making much more money in the future, then the now gets spent way past your imaginary future.
@Dan & the others: Me too. I guess I’ll add my story.
Reading stories like this are mind-blowing to me. Growing up in a middle-class suburb, I’ve seen my share of want-it-and-have-it kids (I was so envious of my friend with ALL of the Nerf toys), but luckily, my parents knew better (and didn’t have the two-parent income). So even though I was surrounded by faux-affluence, I never lived it.
When I first started college, I remember having one of those “you’re all grown up now so we can talk as equals” talks with my mom. The subject turned to my childhood, and she started to cry and apologize for not getting me the toys that I wanted (I loved me some Transformers).
I could only hug her and tell her thank you SO HARD for teaching me indirectly the value of money, and the true value of happiness.
Now my cheap-ass (I mean, economically-wise) is all confused about what the fuss is all about. I really didn’t understand the concept of credit cards until college either. I just thought they were glorified debit cards. “How do you spend money that you don’t have? That’s just weird.” “Why would anyone have more than 1 or 2?” and “Why do they keep sending me thousands of offers?”
Of course, now I know better, and use my credit card frequently to steadily build up my credit. Still use it like a debit card though.
And about Trader Joe’s: I always thought TJ was boogie, what with the organic food and store look, I never bothered to venture in. Then about a year ago when I went in to buy some “artisan bread” while looking to splurge a little, I compared the prices with the regular grocery stores. Wow. What a difference (especially with produce!). I’ve never looked back. My next goal is to start frequenting the farmer’s market (like my mom did).
I feel like this is slowly but surely become more and more of a reality to for this generation. We need to take a step back and realize that money is not the same as it was just a few yars ago. Times are hard and we need to help our parents out rahter than stress them out.
63 and “should be” retiring? Ouch!!! This writer is planning on working until she dies…but I know not everyone wants to do that.
65 and no retirement possible or likely. A change in career emphasis, hopefully, but I’ve always known traditional retirement to equal early death anyway. When you do what you love and can basically create your own job, why retire? Slow down, expand career possibilities laterally, do more teaching and volunteer work, sure, but the rocking chair is one step away from the crematorium. My role models stay active into their 90s…or die trying.
65 and no retirement possible or likely. A change in career emphasis, hopefully, but I’ve always known traditional retirement to equal early death anyway. When you do what you love and can basically create your own job, why retire? Slow down, expand career possibilities laterally, do more teaching and volunteer work, sure, but the rocking chair is one step away from the crematorium. My role models stay active into their 90s…or die trying.
You know it Rick Turner!
(and that’s why I love you)
You know it Rick Turner!
(and that’s why I love you)
Rick, that’s great. The sad thing for me, I guess, is that my work bores me too much of the time, and working in a corporate environment too often leads to what I endured today, a guy who hoicked mucus through his nose at rafter-rattling volume every 30 seconds for eight straight hours. If I could work with people who weren’t bizarre or impossibly rude, it would help a lot.
I don’t want a rocking chair, just more time with my guitars, piano, sketchbooks and Lego robotics kits. Also my cats, who are genetic supercats and will live forever.
Rick, that’s great. The sad thing for me, I guess, is that my work bores me too much of the time, and working in a corporate environment too often leads to what I endured today, a guy who hoicked mucus through his nose at rafter-rattling volume every 30 seconds for eight straight hours. If I could work with people who weren’t bizarre or impossibly rude, it would help a lot.
I don’t want a rocking chair, just more time with my guitars, piano, sketchbooks and Lego robotics kits. Also my cats, who are genetic supercats and will live forever.